I am sitting here with a nasty rash and a general feeling of being ill. I can't remember what it's like to be well, full of energy, bright eyed and bushy tailed. I'm what is known as a TATT - tired all the time. I've had endless blood tests, spent a fortune on various supplements , therapists, self help books, exercise, yoga, etc. I am feeling better than I was, and certainly look better than I did, but today, this evening, I just feel like crap.
Feeling crap narrows your horizons. For years now I've just managed to get through the day, dealing with the house and children, etc. No energy or time for extras, especially taking a day off and lying in bed all day, which is what sensible people would do. Not feeling well? spend the day in bed! So why don't I? is it because I don't have a proper grown up job so I'm not entitled to take any time off? Am I being a martyr to the cause? Is it punishment for something or other? Or do I just need a few early nights and a more positive attitude - believe me I'm trying, very trying. I have to keep reminding myself that I have made lots of progress, and that I will get better. Everyone tells me I'm looking better, I can see I look better. But today I just don't feel better.