Milena Delle Fortezze

A night with the stars

2011-06-25T10:10:00.000-07:00

Last night I was out again. What with the church knitting group, it's all getting a bit out of hand.

I met up with a few of the old - and not so old - Green Wing gang at UCL for this -

http://www.nationalbrainappeal.org/green-wing-quiz-night/

We had a great night, didn't win, but acquitted ourselves very well against a roomful of very brainy if slightly geeky people. JRT and SM were the stars of the night as quiz masters and I had to be forcibly removed from a big bag of doritos. As the representatives of the Green Wing Convention Recovery Group (see box set for full details) we were very well behaved. Restraining orders were not required.

On journey home, got chatted up. This is happening more and more. Is it my age? Are middle aged women seen as more of a safe bet?

Summer Solstice - Darn Sarf London way

2011-06-22T04:56:00.000-07:00

I've been having adventures again. What with the pub quiz going feral, the church knitting group taking off, and the Biodanza experience, it could be concluded that I have enough going on, but no! Yesterday morning I found myself getting up at 3.30am to go and join a lovely group of people making their way to Pollards Hill to celebrate the Summer Solstice.

It was cloudy but dry. We started a small fire in what I can only describe as a replica of the FA cup. The smell of woodsmoke still hangs over me. We ommed, swayed, meditated, drank ginger tea and ate cake and went home. It was a wonderful experience and a lovely place. I'm going back again with the dog.

I don't think anyone saw us. We were careful not to make too much noise. But what would be the penalty be for omming in a built up area?

The Ninjas strike again!!

2011-04-29T15:33:00.000-07:00

http://flaming-nora.blogspot.com/2011/04/k-n-i-t-t-h-e-t-o-w-n-r-e-d-w-h-i-t-e-n.html#comment-form

How fabulous is this??? May have to take up the cause....

The first thirty pages

2011-04-27T15:42:00.000-07:00

The other week, during the infamous pub quiz, there was a question about who published Lady Chatterley’s Lover. Of course, we all knew it was Penguin.
I happened to mention that I had a copy of the first edition with the first 30 pages missing. He looked at me very steadily and said “why don‘t you write them?”
I looked at him slack jawed. How did he know? Has my blog been discovered?

The Goddess of the Bleeding Obvious

2011-04-25T11:11:00.000-07:00

That's what I want to be known as - because I'm that annoying fat middle aged woman who looks you in the eye and tells you that a spade is a shovel. There's impulse, intuition, common sense, and the bleeding obvious. I can cope with the bleeding obvious. It's the rest that send me into a tizzy of confusion and indecision.

So at the quiz night I've invited myself along to these past few weeks, it's my inner goddess of the bleeding obvious I've been channelling. I do know lots of stuff, but it's never the really useful stuff like how to be happy, how to dress properly, how to get lots of money, and how to get other things which I can't really divulge here. Which goddess do I go to for that information?

what the world needs now is wool sweet wool....

2011-03-10T10:29:00.000-08:00

http://flaming-nora.blogspot.com/2011/03/ninja-knittersmov.html?showComment=1299778211582#c6507879016408319264

What puts me off writing my blog is the fabulousness of other bloggers, and none are more fabulous than Flaming Nora.

Read it and do a little wee of joy.

The elephants in the room

2011-02-25T03:59:00.000-08:00

So love that expression - the elephants in the room. The big issues that remain undealt with, unspoken. I tell you, so many elephants in my rooms it's no wonder that I'm being suffocated by the biggest herd of all - the past. Those elephants tickle me with their trucks at very regular intervals, especially on Tuesdays when I head off for my book keeping class. They're with me at the bus stop, queuing in a nice straight line, waiting for the No 50 bus aka the elephant bus. Another thing that elephants never do is forget, and I have been cursed with an excellent memory. Not the sort that remembers useful stuff, just all the crap that floats about in the back of the brain. Who was wearing what at some teenage party in 1977, who gave me a funny look in 1973, and that sort of stuff. Useless, pointless stuff that only makes me unhappy and eat more crisps.
So , back to the No 50 bus. It takes me down memory lane. Well, the South Circular, actually, and up a bit of the A24. It takes me past the road where Bob Geldof and Paula Yates lived, past where I went to secondary school, past the houses of people I used to know, past the common where I played hockey, treetrunk legs under a swishing blue sports skirt thundering up and down the pitch, past where I first went to school - in someone's house, believe it or not!- so that when the elephants and I get off at the pub where I drank as a teenager, Laura Ashley skirts spread out on the grass, I'm in need of a rescue remedy drip! Talk about my memories serving me far too well!

One day I met the mother of someone I was at school with. When I explained where I was going, she looked me up and down, as only Italian ladies can do, and told me that I was too old and too busy to be messing about with courses! Took me some time to recover from that one.

And it gets worse. The college is no refuge - there are more elephants in that classroom! They deal with other aspects of my life and I have to watch myself very carefully. But thats enough for today.

Why can't they just stick to leaving their paw prints in the butter?

In these shoes?

2011-02-24T15:15:00.000-08:00

As a musical interlude, I offer this - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjvaqVAFuLI I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Shoes. Ah shoes. What do I wear? MBTs (novelty comedy sports footwear that hasn't reduced my cellulite - only reincarnation will deal with that) Campri Snow Boots from Sports Direct for dog walking, some Geox shoes (more novelty footwear - this time with breathing soles! Perfect for the menopausal woman) And that's it, really - anything with a heel would give me altitude sickness, and since I never wear skirts anyway, what would be the point?

Yet Clarks calls to me with its Siren emails, enticing me towards the online store - coo coo (forget that - isn't that the dove from above??) and recently I bought these -

http://www.clarks.co.uk/find/keyword-is-capricorn/product-is-20346043

Alright, I know, for you shoes experts it's not much, but it's a start. Haven't worn them yet - may try them at my next book keeping class next week for a trial run.

I've also taken a fancy to these http://www.clarks.co.uk/find/keyword-is-bombay/product-is-20306743

I actually had a look at them around Christmastime when out with my husband. At the sight of me picking them up, he started hyperventilating and telling me that it wasn't my sort of thing. Cue woman beating man on head with heel of shoe........ I may need them to go with this - http://www.vivienofholloway.com/en/category/50s%20Halterneck%20Plain%20Dress/1950s-halterneck-plain-dress/78/

or even this http://www.vivienofholloway.com/en/category/Sarong%20Prints/sarong-print/125/

I know, I can dream. After all, I'm more likely to be sitting in the cafe on Tooting Bec Common instead of a bar in Guadalajara. Distinct lack of powerful horses on the Common despite the bridle path.

Angel

2011-02-02T09:45:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone - long time no blogs! don't know why, really - goodness knows I've always got a lot to say for myself! I've started thinking about angels (cue communal groan from everyone). Well, anyway, I have, especially about this one:

http://www.tate.org.uk/servlet/ViewWork?workid=21761&tabview=image

I tried to copy the picture, but my grasp on technology being what it is, you'll have to click on it yourselves to see it in its full glory!

It's a huge statue in pink alabaster by Jacob Epstein called Jacob and the Angel. it used to be in Tate Britain, but now it's been moved to Tate Liverpool, so I will have to travel further to see this marvellous angel. I'm not bothered about Jacob - he was a dishonourable character as far as I'm concerned. But the angel - oh! A magnificent creature. He's holding Jacob up after wrestling with him all night and finally dislocating Jacob's hip. It really is my favourite piece of sculpture, hidden away for years at the top of a staircase in Tate Britain. He was really my very own guilty pleasure. Funnily enough I think I met him recently - not with the wings, and the flowing locks and the pink alabaster, but definitely the face. I didn't realise at first, but then it dawned on me, the resemblance, after a visit this weekend to the British Modern Sculpture exhibition at the RA. I remembered the angel, and then it struck me who this particular person reminded me of. I'm sure only I can see it. And I certainly won't be telling them about it.

One thing leads to another and I've recently rediscovered this, by the blessed Madonna -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nn6pp_0MB0

Hmm

All The Rage - The Style Issue

2010-07-01T11:36:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone!

Leila has done it again - she has put together a fantastic edition of All The Rage with the theme of Style. It's got some great stuff. And my own article towards the end about summer dressing in London. Ahem.

Do give it a read. www.alltherage.org.uk/alltherage-2010-07.pdf

It's well worth it!

Claudio and me

2010-05-31T15:34:00.000-07:00

Claudio Baglioni?

Oh yes, he and I go back a long way, probably back to about 1974 when I started listening to Italian pop music on my interminable hols (those were the days!). There was no globalisation of music at that time - I certainly never heard the likes of Sweet, the Osmonds, Mudd, or Marc Bolam on Italian radio back then. No, it was all hairy blokes in unfeasibly tight jeans yodelling some very explicit lyrics about having their way with some underage girl on a beach. We only got that sort of thing in recent years with James Blunt.

Yet Claudio rose above them all. Whilst in the UK we were voting Stairway to Heaven as our record of all time, the Italians chose Questo Piccolo Grande Amore
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Yjl-OZ8p7E This song has become his pension - just as the members of Slade get their cheques every January for that fab Christmas song of theirs.....

QPGA has stood the test of time, with that fabulous line "Adesso che, saprei cosa dire, adesso che, saprei cosa fare, adesso che..."

Claudio sang the songs that really were the sound track to my youth, as I mooched about in my Laura Ashley dresses, more vague than vogue, more gammon than gamine.

Sabato Pomeriggio, E tu, Tu come stai, Quante Volte, Amore Bello, Mille Giorni di te e me, Strada facendo, Poster, and so forth. He's been at it for more than 40 years - there's a lot of stuff out there.

Now I tell my own daughters that if anyone comes near them telling them anything from those songs they should run a mile. It's what I would call stalker music! Not that anyone came near me with lines like "ieri ho ritrovato le tue iniziali nel mio cuore" or "quante volte ti ho pensato sulla sedia di cucina"

And yet I fell for all of them again last Saturday night at the Royal Albert Hall, along with thousands of menopausal people of Italian extrapolation, when I went to hear him sing in London for the very first time. I couldn't miss this opportunity.

He was wonderful. He really is the Italian Barry Manilow, Bruce Springsteen and Burt Bacharach rolled into one.

I was determined, though, not to fall for those fabulous songs again. I can tell you I failed miserably.

He had everyone purring with delight as they left to mooch home on a drizzly night.

look him up. You know you want to.....

Other people's children

2009-10-21T04:45:00.000-07:00

Ooh I'm feeling bad now. But bitter past experience just let the words fall out of my mouth. I will have to grovel later when I see her. Explain the circumstances. It's just what you want to hear when you're having a hard day at work, some smug fester at home mum mentioning that your child kept her waiting for 5 whole minutes when there was at least half an hour to get to school. I just wanted to nip it in the bud, you see. Not that ad hoc lifts to school constitute a major delivery contract, on the lines of royal mail and amazon, no, just a child being picked up for the five minutes drive to school.

I've been lucky enough not to have to pick up too many children in my time. There have of course been the inevitable times when I would drive around London in my pyjamas in the middle of the night, rescuing teenage girls and delivering each one to a different address, and those days are certainly not over. Those I don't mind. It's only every so often. What gets me is the regular week after week grind of having to wait for a child who clearly doesn't want to go where we're going and explain at the other end why we're late. A situation I put up with for about two years.

"Please tell whoever you've got looking after them that I need them ready on the doorstep when I turn up" - there are only a number of times you can say that to a harassed parent who's already feeling indebted to you for taking their children to whatever activity, picking them up afterwards, giving them supper ("we're vegetarian, so no meat please. Oh, and organic") and waiting for parent to collect, whilst trying to keep said children from destroying your house and really annoying your own children. "Mum, we hate them. And they smell."

Mercifully, everything comes to and end. Including after school activities. Yet this arrangement left me deeply scarred. Thank goodness I now drive a very small car. And the secondary schools are just nearby.

School Scrum

2009-10-20T06:11:00.000-07:00

This time it was going to be easier. After all, this was my third round of secondary school applications. I'm defintely a been seen and done it type on this score.

If boring everyone witless with my knowledge of London secondary school transfer were an olympic sport, I would have more gold medals than Steve Redgrave, I really would. The whole business has to be the most stressful thing that parents have to go through - at least childbirth doesn't last that long!

Of course, we bring the stress on ourselves - whether it's the state or private system, we're all running round like headless chickens on those open days, hyperventilating at the thought of whether or not we're in the catchment area, how many times a school is oversubscribed, mixed or single sex, and so forth.

Then there's another factor a parent has to take into account - the opinion of the child! Since when did they have the right to choose anything? Well, in our case, it's since birth. And they all have different opinions, desperate to get away from the shadow of an older sibling, to do their own thing.

well the forms are in. All we have to do is wait for March 1st and pray that siblings still have priority over everyone else....

Watching paint dry at the RA

2009-10-18T12:36:00.000-07:00

When I go on outings with my friend G, we normally just eat and shop and talk. Sometimes we venture into the Royal Academy to view the latest exhibitions only because I have a Friend's Card and we rather get tired of the shopping. The other week we ventured into the Anish Kapoor Exhibition.

I can't paste the link here - I suggest you all google Royal Academy and Anish Kapoor and see what comes up.

Although technically brilliant, frankly it really was like watching paint dry. I haven't laughed so much since the Gilbert and George retrospective at Tate Modern. I also had the urge to touch everything. Was that the point of it? the squidgy red wax left in the corners by the huge lipstick thing trundling up and down the galleries on rails, the anticipation of the cannon being fired (we gave up on that and went to look at the mirrors) the concrete pooh sculptures, the huge rusty cave thing that had me hooting into it for an echo. My friend G was only pleased we hadn't had to pay to get in. We thought we would bring our husbands along for the comedy value, just to see their reations. G's husband nearly had a seizure at the Rothko at the beginning of the year. She's still laughing at the memory.

Later, in the members room, we didn't find anywhere to sit, but I spotted Francesa Annis chatting to two old blokes at a table. Gorgeous woman and fab actress to boot.

At least there's Van Gogh to look forward to in the spring.

They'll never eat toast again!

2009-01-19T06:42:00.000-08:00

Like many houesholds throughout the country, we have had to host the occasional unwanted guest. Yes, mice have been regular visitors for some time now. We have tried all sorts of ways to get rid of them and all have been a resounding failure.

Until today.

This morning, Baby came to tell me that she'd had heard noises from behind the TV in the breakfast room. By the time we both walked into the room again, there was no sign of anything. Then the TV went on as my girls are hooked onto CBB. I went into the kitchen to make Baby's toast. The smell wafting from toaster was rather odd, but it all came out OK and Baby ate her breakfast. Rosa Klebb's toast was OK too, although the smell was rather stronger now. Girl from Ipanema reported that she'd just eaten bread and butter as smoke and a very nasty smell had poured out of the toaster.

It was the single mousedropping in the crumb catcher tray that alerted me to the horrible truth.

I opened up the bottom of the toaster - it's a Dualit, so I can do that - and switched it on to see where the smoke was coming from. The little line of smoke led me to the Horrible Truth. From the side of one of the elements, a tail and two back paws poked out.

Now what do I do? My brother has kept that toaster going for me for years now - after all, it cost a fortune. Should I simply chuck the whole think in the bin, and select a replacement from my newly acquired Argos Catalogue? Or should I dismantle it, scrape mousy remnants off, and start all over again?

Dear Reader - what would you advise?

Brave People at the BBC

2009-01-16T04:54:00.000-08:00

I paid my first visit to the Royal Court Theatre yesterday. I didn't go to see a play, but to attend a presentation by the staff at the BBC Writers Room. There was a power point presentation, lots of tips, questions and answers, and general encouragement from a very brave bunch of people. In response to an email to everyone on the mailing list, I reckon about 300 writers showed up.

The mix of people was very interesting. Older men, younger women, young men. Middle aged women not much in evidence, but I suspect that's because most of them were dealing with their children. Very few people knew eachother, so there was little chat in the audience. There was the usual old git at the front with An Issue, as is usual at such gatherings, but the lady running the event obviously had plenty of experience in dealing with old gits with issues.

They very clearly explained what was required, what to avoid, and what the procedure was. They also downplayed the fact that out of the 10,000 scripts that they received every year only about 5% got any further than the NO pile. They were encouraging, enthusiastic and very open about what they wanted.

On departure, they whipped out sacks and asked for any scripts that people had brought along. I did see a few people with parcels, but I think many took them home for revision following all the tips that we were given.

Much of the audience, like me, raced home, but I suspect Nice Lady and Old Git had a good chin wag in the bar. I got home about an hour later - wonder if I was the first one!

Another year bites the dust!

2009-01-05T03:01:00.000-08:00

Having a birthday in the hinterland of christmas and New Year is very good. I certainly appreciate more as I get older. When I was young, it was very irritating as there would be this double present thing going on, people were all partied out, and I would not have a mid year window of opportunity to stock up on items I didn't get for Christmas.
Nowadays, the sales are in full swing , so I have over recent years collected some very over budget gifts, and more recently, the whole birthday thing has certainly faded away so that now I have a non birthday - and never get older.

I find birthdays very awkward - there's no sense of achievement, only emphasis that I've let another year slip by without getting thinner, fitter, rich or more scintillating. Just another layer of dust on the ornaments. No gratitude or positivity there!

So let's try again. Today I can look back on a year in which lots of good things happened and forward to a year in which lots of wonderful things will happen. So there. Feeling better already! I did the Moonwalk, remember - all 26 miles of it! I have just about recovered.

As part of the Lake Wobegon empire, Garrison Keillor is involved in a project called the Writer's Almanac. Here is today's offering. Who knew that Umberto Eco and I shared a birthday!

http://writersalmanac.publicradio.org/

More GW news - there was a get together last Saturday organised by the wonderful Kim in a great pub near the embankment in Central London. A group of women gathered to indulge in their passion for GW, but actually were more interested in catching up with eachother whilst sporting yellow post it notes. We also played Spoon of Destiny and Chocolate Towers. You had to be there.

All The Rage - January 2009

2009-01-01T12:37:00.000-08:00

Some little pixies have been working overtime to bring you the January 2009 edition of All The Rage.

http://alltherage.org.uk/alltherage-2009-01.pdf

I hope you enjoy it. Leila has worked very hard to bring it all together.

The latest thing....

2008-12-09T04:54:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone.

One of my secret pleasures is perusing the Lakeland Catalogue. I even used to order stuff in the old days when I had money. At work we had the Lakeland Coven. If an order was over £40, the postage would be free, so we would pool our orders. The parcel would then be delivered to the office. Our receptionist would call one of the coven, then we would all congregate in recpetion at lunchtime to divide the spoils. Even colleagues who hadn't ordered anything would come along, just for the comedy value.

For those of you still unaware of Lakeland, it sells a vast array of household items. Some are absolute lifesavers, others are a complete waste of time, and some are just plain perculiar......

Like this thing here:
http://www.lakeland.co.uk/plug-AND-pour/F/productimage/21870?returnURL=/F/keyword/21870/product/21870

I suggest you all take a look. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe it's just the thing you're looking for.
I won't be ordering one.....

December's edition of All The Rage

2008-12-01T05:17:00.000-08:00

All The Rage is a joy to behold.

Take a look:

http://alltherage.org.uk/alltherage-2008-12.pdf

This month it's all about biography.

Have fun!

An Interim Passion

2008-11-29T18:50:00.000-08:00

Now don't get excited - I'm just about getting over Green Wing. The years of therapy have really helped and I feel quite rehabilitated. Now all I have to do is wait for Victoria Pile to convince yet another bunch of writers and actors that they have created a seminal work whilst all along master minding the whole operation herself and I can get over Green Wing completely. Why Victoria feels the need to create the illusion of a joint effort is I suppose the usual woman of a certain generation stuff. I bet George Lucas never had that trouble.

Whilst Victoria is busy plotting for my benefit, I have found an interim passion - Garrison Keillor.

http://prairiehome.publicradio.org/

every Saturday evening at 11pm I hide under my duvet with my precious DAB personal radio to listen to his show on BBC7.

For those pining for the magic voice of JRT, check out GK. For those missing the outrageous humour, check out Lake Wobegon. It's where the woman are strong, the men are good looking, and the children are above average. Definitely not like my locale!

All the Rage

2008-11-21T02:31:00.000-08:00

Yes, Leila has done it again. All The Rage is steaming ahead into the crowded waters of online publishing.

http://www.alltherage.org.uk/alltherage-2008-10.pdf

http://www.alltherage.org.uk/alltherage-2008-11.pdf

Read it.

My Shopping Hell

2008-11-20T06:06:00.000-08:00

Well now. As a founding member of the Sout West London chapter of the Scrooge and Marley Society, I have taken a vow against spending money on anything other than root vegetables and lard.

I recently signed up to Martin Lewis' website http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/. Every week I receive an email from him telling me all about the latest money saving tips he has discovered. Normally I delete it after a quick scan - after all, since I don't spend in the first place, there's nothing to save - but yesterday I was struck by the announcement that M&S would be holding a 20% off extravaganza. http://www.marksandspencer.com/gp/node/n/42966030?extid=0811194a
Well, that got me going. I made my list, I planned my day, and phoned my relatives to tell them all the good news.

This morning, I headed off to our nearest M&S and just about got the last parking space. The place was full of women in hatchbacks, clutching long lists. Withing half an hour I had shopping baskets full of pants, tights, crockery and a board game for Christmas Day - Antiques Road Show. I met my aunt there. When I offered her a lift home, she dashed off to buy more stuff. when we left, three pensioners and a young mother fought over the parking space. Normally the place is empty during the week, but bemused parking attendants just stared at the lines of cars making their way to the store.

I examined my booty when I got home. Some of the items were stored at the back of the wardrobe. These included my new pyjamas. Bitter experience has taught me just to buy my own gifts - I'm never disappointed then. Other items were taken downstairs and washed and put away in the crockery cupboard. I want to see how long it takes for anyone to notice that we have more plates. The remaining items were laid out on the bed for inspection. I have bought enough tights and pants to last for all eternity. I may be instructed to return some of these items. Quite what a ten year old will do with nine pairs of tights, I don't really know.

I'm going to lie down now. If I can find any space betwen the opaque tights and the angora socks.

Occhiali di Bragia

2008-11-01T11:34:00.000-07:00

The school run on Thursdays is always a treat. On the way home I can listen to Melvyn Bragg on Radio 4 with In Our Time which every week covers a cutural item.

The other week it was Dante and the Inferno.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/history/inourtime/inourtime_20081023.shtml

I perked up at that one - Something I had actually read!And it all came back to me, studying the first 12 chapters of the Divine Comedy for Italian A level back in the 1970s, in a small cramped room in Stockwell with a bunch of disparate teenagers.

Our first teacher was a loony Roman woman who made it clear thathought it beneath her to be teaching the children of Italian immigrants -she had been led to understand that her pupils would be the children of Embassy staff. The second didn't mind teaching us, but only on condition that she could smoke throughout the proceedings. Pupils who also smoked joined in too. In those days, even mentioning that perhaps smoking in a confined space was not wonderful was greeted with derision, especially from teenage boys whose mothers didn't even know they smoked. Being the most tedious teenager going, the derision was dispensed with relish, and there was no danger of anyone supporting me. The stock answer was always "Oh, I don't mind".

Sometimes the derision was quite witty. When we came to the part where Dante and his guide Virgil are taken across the river Styx to the Underworld by Caronte, he is described has having glowing eyes - Occhi di bragia. One wag, who got meaner to me the more he realised I adored him, came out with "Yeah, like Sylvia - occhiali di bragia - look at those glasses."

I was rather proud of my glasses - they were large clear plastic with the word vogue written on the side in neon writing which made vogue look like vague. Yes, I spent my teens in glasses with vague written on the side. If the cap fits.....

Anyway, I have digressed. Dante. Hmm. Actually, I have a t shirt with the first canto written on it. Benetton, of course, or Ben Elton as my cousin's friends called it for years. Don't think anyone's ever put them right.

Nel mezzo del cammin di nostra vita, mi trovai per una selva oscura ove la via diritta era smarrita. Or something like that. A rough translation would be In the middle years of my life I found myself wandering through a dark forest the path through which had become obscured. Told you it was rough.... An anthem for all of us of a certain age.....

During the programme, Melvyn and his guests referred to the ill fated lovers Francesca da Rimini and Paolo Malatesta. There's one line I always remember about there being no greater pain than remembering times of joy during times of sorrow. Pity I can't remember the original Italian.

Dante populated Heaven, Purgatory, and Hell with many of the celebrities of his day. I wonder if anyone could rewrite the Divine Comedy to reflect the present day. There's a thought.

Grand Finale

2008-11-01T09:03:00.000-07:00

I had an interesting afternoon last week.

I went to the funeral of someone I had known in my youth.
She had interesting, if sad,life, doggedby ill health.

I really went along because I had known the family for a very long time and to support them . They had a very difficult relationship with her, and found it very unsettling when most of the other mourners sang her praises - they had only know her for a short time and were still in the honeymoon period. For indeed she could be the most charming, wittiest creature on earth, and also the vilest.

I had been warned that it would be a rather unorthodox event. The choice of music for the entry of the coffin was quite something - Fire by Arthur Brown, which for those of you who don't know what I mean , is the song that starts "I am the god of hellfire and I bring you fire..." I actually clapped my hand over my mouth. The rest of the service was rather tame after that! A Humanist person led the event, and he was excellent, despite never even meeting her. An old friend spoke very eloquently and honestly about her. He struck exactly the right tone - warts and all, but consistently positive all the same.

It was a subdued crowd who made their way to the pub afterwards I got a lift from a fellow family supporter who knew another side to her from our long past youth. So many people came that it was quite a crush in the small room at the pub. Circulating was quite a challenge, but I made it round. From a very elderly mother to the youngest grandchild, I was pleased to get to speak to them all.

Then came the piece de resistence - Singing along to "Always look on the bright side of life". Luckily there were many singers in the room so it all went with a swing. Amazingly, I got rather tearful at this point. I was remembering the first time I heard the song when we went as teenagers to see the film. We sat there open mouthed at the ending of the film. Imagine teenagers being shocked about something like that now! I was thinking about how nearly 30 years had passed and how we had all turned out.

Home on the bus to my own three daughters. They were all at home, waiting for their dinner, laughing about something together. "Well God," I thought "let them have their disagreements but please let them never stop them loving eachother."

Actually, I must give my brother a call....

two for the price of one - All The Rage August and September 2008

2008-09-02T02:21:00.000-07:00

Oops - knew there was something I'd forgotten to do. Update my wonderful blog for you all to enjoy.

Now that Feral Child is back at school, I now have a bit more time to dedicate to my inane ramblings. But first, a bit of housekeeping.
All The Rage has carried on regardless. Here are the links to the July and August editions :

http://www.alltherage.org.uk/alltherage-2008-08.pdf

http://www.alltherage.org.uk/alltherage-2008-09.pdf

Go on, give it a whirl. You know you want to.

All The Rage - July

2008-07-09T05:14:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone

here's the link to the latest edition of All The Rage, still going strong.

It's all about dreams this month.

Do take a look:

http://alltherage.org.uk/alltherage-2008-07.pdf

Midnight at the Oasis

2008-06-19T05:18:00.000-07:00

Is it just me? Ever since the full moon in March, which co-incided with other events such as Good Friday, my energy is completely depleted. It has got to the point that when I see the full moon on my calendar, I simply cancel everything for the day before, during , and afterwards as I'm not fit for anything. Yesterday's full moon found me in bed and fast asleep by 5.30pm, waking up again at 8pm, only crawling out of bed because I had to feed the children.

This is getting ridiculous. I would be grateful for any suggestions.

If anyone says "Get over yourself" I will hit them. Very hard. Yet could this be the solution? I have tried ignoring the whole thing, and of course real life doesn't allow me to take to my bed for days at a time, but yesterday because I was free I went to bed because I could.

Why Midnight at the Oasis? Maria Muldur mentions the moon in that, even if it's only a half moon, which has no effect on me at all!

All the rage - June 2008

2008-06-19T05:15:00.000-07:00

It's been out for some time now, but I have been doing other stuff, like recovering from the Moonwalk and catching up with the ironing.

So here it is - June's edition of All The Rage http://www.alltherage.org.uk/alltherage-2008-06.pdf

The theme this month is escape. I immediately thought of the Pina Colada Song and wrote about all that. Knowing that song at all really ages me, I know.

Dreams is the theme for next month's edition. Watch out for that one.

All revved up and one mile to go!

2008-05-18T10:41:00.000-07:00

That was my mantra when I was in Hyde Park this morning when I reached mile 25 of the Moonwalk.
I did it, I effing well did it!
What an experience! The people, the atmosphere, everything.
Mercifully for the people of London, I kept my fleece on all the time so my bra was well covered at all times.
I did it in 8 hours - my aim was to do it by then. I was the last of my group to finish, but no matter - it appears I was only 10 minutes behind them. I was glad I was on my own, as I was very concerned about holding people back. Well, I was never really on my own, as there were 15,000 of us all together.
For me, it was just a walk, but for most people it was a journey of high emotion, especially when we passed the Marsden and I overheard a group of ladies agreeing to stop and hold onto the railing for a few minutes. I don't think that stretching was what they had in mind at that point.

Reaching the mile 26 sign was incredible. I then went to collect my medal and goodie bag, and met up with the gang. They were being collected by husbands, and I staggered home on the 137.

I got home, waved my medal at my incredulous family, and promptly fell face down on the bed and stayed there for the rest of the day. I'm just pleased I organised the following week before the Walk. If I drop dead, at least my husband has clean shirts for a week.

Am off to book my mobility scooter. I will never knowingly walk another step again.

Wrinkly Management

2008-05-14T10:18:00.000-07:00

What about it? Doesn't Nivea have a product to deal with it? No, not wrinkle management, I mean the management of those who have lots of wrinkles. Old people.

My old person who needs managing is my mother in law. Another Doctor's appointment today, instigated by me, please don't tell her, she's already a bit suspicious. This on prescribed nose drops. We nod, leave, get the prescription, which no doubt will never come out of the bag, and move on to the real business of the day, a trip to M&S.

We stock up on old lady stuff. This is actually no different to mine, except that she has far better taste. We pay, go on to buy some food, and then leave.

We have lunch back at her flat where she confesses to me she hasn't had a proper meal for ages. We eat up, attack some of her Easter egg, and then I leave to deal with her grandchildren.

I phone other members of the family and tell them what's been going on. They almost sound grateful. What they don't realise is that I'm doing it for my own benefit, trying to control an uncontrollable situation. Trying to accept that after over 20 years of wrangling with her, we may be near the end. Up to now, I thought she was immortal. Now I suspect that she isn't.

It's the dependancy, really. Showing her things in the shop, I thought I was beginning to choose things for her. It was quite sad, really.

I keep hoping that she'll be back on an even keel soon and will be back to her old ways.

We'll see.

fat woman rant

2008-05-10T03:08:00.000-07:00

Yes, here we go, another fat woman rant.

The temperature here in South London has risen and it's officially summertime.
And I hate it. And I hate hating it.
Because it means that yet again despite my efforts I'm having to keep my lardy self covered up.
I feel ill, hot , sweaty and unable to do anything apart from perform beached whale impersonations.
Luckily last year I invested in some lineny clothes, so I don't have to sweat it out in my elephantine jeans, but even these just show me that I'm slightly larger than I was last year.

I'll get over it.
There are far worse things in life.

So, what's been happening, then?

2008-05-09T04:27:00.000-07:00

I'll tell you what's been happening.

Training for this http://www.walkthewalk.org/Challenges/ThePlaytexMoonWalk

I don't know how it happened, but I got a place, followed the training booklet, and it's just over a week to go.

I have been supported and generally cattleprodded by the wondeful Suzy http://www.walkingworkouts.co.uk/ so much that I'm now finding very difficult to walk on my own.

Over the past few weeks, we've walked some fabulous routes around London, along the river, round and round Hyde Park, and finally last Sunday we walked 20 miles from Hampton Court to Batteresea Bridge all along the river in 5.5 hours.

I swear that after 17/18 May I will invest in a mobility scooter and never walk another step.

I'm planning my costume. The rules state that we have to walk in decorated bras. My children have made me promise that I will not expose any part of myself. Bit of a conflict there, I think.
Still, they will be asleep at home whilst I do this, so I'll jolly well do as I please! The walking starts at midnight, so it'll be interesting to see how we cope with being up all night.

I'll keep you posted.

All The Rage - May 2008

2008-05-09T04:25:00.000-07:00

I am horrified to note that it's over two minths since I wrote anything of note on my blog. I know, I know, I've been neglecting my army of readers, but life has been going on.

I am delighted to share with you the latest edition of All The Rage.

I hope you enjoy it.

http://www.alltherage.org.uk/alltherage-2008-05.pdf

All the Rage - March 2008

2008-03-03T15:03:00.000-08:00

It's all go here!

And Leila has been busy again crafting another fine edition of All the Rage.

http://www.alltherage.org.uk/alltherage-2008-03.pdf

This month's theme is Space (and not necessarily the Final Frontier)

So read it!

Help - I'm doing the Moonwalk!

2008-02-04T10:50:00.000-08:00

Well, it had to come out sooner or later - it appears that I'm doing the Playtex Moonwalk 2008 http://www.walkthewalk.org/about.htm as a member of the Sweaty Betty Team http://www.sweatybetty.com/Scripts/prodlist.asp.

The Moonwalk is the walk which takes place in central London overnight. Everyone is supposed to wear their bras over their clothes. It's supposed to be the most wonderful event and I'm slowly coming round to the fact that I'm really going to do it.

We had our first training session yesterday - two hours spent walking round Battersea Park, following the trim and toned lovelies from Head Office.

How have I got involved? Well, I spend Monday morning walking around Wandsworth Common with the MBT walking group run by Sweaty Betty Battersea. It's all good clean fun. One morning, someone with a clipboard asked if I was interested and I said ok, never thinking I'd get a place as it's a very popular event.

A few weeks later, I got the news. So I'd better get training!

Of course, my family think I'm absolutely barking mad. And they're probably right. I can only hope that I can manage the 26 miles in the allotted 8 hour slot, otherwise I'll end up in a dustcart somewhere.

All The Rage - February 2008

2008-02-01T16:01:00.001-08:00

Hello Everybody Peeps!

Here's the latest edition of the wonderful All The Rage

http://alltherage.org.uk/alltherage-2008-02.pdf

Let's hope the link works this time and Leila won't have to get her cattle prod out.

It's all about time.

And I've been allowed to contribute.

Throwing it all away

2008-01-22T05:47:00.000-08:00

When I'm not frolicking on a Saturday night, I've been spending my time clearing out the house.

What started as a bit of filing has now turned into an attempt to break the People's Republic of Lambeth's record for the highest number of recycling sacks left out all at once for the collectors. We're up to ten sacks at the moment, and we have three days to go.

My cousin gave me an Australian Flower Remedy combo - Purifying - which has set me off foraging through cupboards and throwing things away.

I'm now thinking about what I'm going to do with my collection of Feng Shui magazines, my old French degree coursebooks, and all the magazines and newspapers I kept when the children were born. What immediately comes to mind is my trusty shopping trolley and the fact that the British Heart Foundation Bookshop is a two minute walk from my abode. And I have another roll of orange sacks.

I am determined to work my way through the house. My old work clothes - even the Jaegar stuff, bed linen from the 1980s, our last pushchair, all the crap my aunt gave us when she cleared out her own house, all the self help books I've bought from the charity shops, and so forth.

I'm even tempted to pack away the cupboard full of crystal we got as a wedding present. What possessed us to want all that stuff when we only use glasses from the supermarket. Why do I need ten plastic mixing bowls, when a couple will do. Mercifully we have an Oxfam furniture shop within dragging distance so they can all go there. The trick will be to escape from the Oxfam shop with an empty trolley.

I have now stopped the arrival of more crap to replace the old stuff. The post is processed on arrival - I attack it like a manky old rottweiler. School letters are digested and immediately binned, and magazines and read and passed on within the week.

We're knee deep in crud at the moment, but it'll be lovely when it's all finished.

Watch this ever increasing space!

Another Saturday Night.....

2008-01-21T11:57:00.000-08:00

So far this year, there have been three Saturday Nights.

On the first, as detailed in a previous post, I spent a wild evening with some wild women watching reruns of Green Wing in a pub in Bermondsey St, SE1. Oh, and it was my birthday (thank you all for your good wishes).

On the second, I decided at the last minute to accept an invitation to a concert/meditation featuring the amazing Gabriella Kapfer. Didn't know what to expect, but it was a wonderful experience.

http://www.yescarefirst.com/songbird.htm

On the third, my husband and I went to see Much Ado at the National starring Zoe Wanamaker and Simon Russell Beale. What a fantastic performance. Even my husband, who's seriously allergic to anything cultural, enjoyed himself. And we saw Joanna Lumley in the car park! What could be better than that? It was a pity that when we got home we discovered that our house had been trashed by young people with too much coca cola in them, but never mind....

http://www.nationaltheatre.org.uk/muchado

So what about this coming Saturday? will that be it, now, for the rest of the year? I am doing the moonwalk in May, so that's at least one more Saturday booked up, but I fear that will be it now, and I'll have to spend Saturdays as usual, in the bosom of my family, elbow deep in washing up.

Any suggestions, anyone??

All The Rage - January 2008

2008-01-10T06:15:00.000-08:00

Here we go again!

Another edition of All the Rage and I'm in it, again!

It's a good read.

The theme this month is Forbidden Knowledge

Yesterday it was my birthday....

2008-01-06T15:47:00.000-08:00

I hung one more year on the line.
I should be depressed, my life's a mess, but I'm having a good time......

Yes, indeed, it was my birthday. I had a wonderful day.

Presents - usual collection of bogof books from husband:
Paul McKenna - I can make you thin
Bill Bryson - Thunderbolt Kid
Niambh Greene - Confessions of a desperate housewife

stuff from children - candle and home made bracelet

Went shopping for some lovely cheap stuff from Nappy Valley

Then spent the evening in a pub watching reuns of Green Wing with a bunch of likeminded women.

We drank, ate, chatted, made yellow post it note wigs, booed, cheered, sighed, and generally had a wonderful time.

We watched episodes 5 and 6 from the first series, and episode 4 form the second. Then we also watched The Phenomenon from the Definitive Edition.

Then we went home.

Would some men like to come next time? It would be very interesting to get a male perspective on GW. Or perhaps, according to my husband, men have better things to do with their time. Splitting the atom? Anyway, just sign up to http://excoboard.com/exco/index.php?boardid=17848 and you too could find yourself on a leather banquette wedged between a bunch of cuddly women with a white wine too many inside them........

Think about it.

All the Rage - December 2007

2007-12-04T13:50:00.000-08:00

She's done it again - Leila's come up with another fab edition of All The Rage and I'm in it too!

http://alltherage.org.uk/alltherage-2007-12.pdf

My Day Out at the Yoga Show

2007-11-25T10:11:00.000-08:00

Yes, I've been allowed out!

On Friday I treated myself to a visit to the Yoga Show at Olympia. Not to be confused with Erotica 07, for which the ticket touts were out in force.

http://www.theyogashow.co.uk/index.asp

I was all prepared, having perused the list of exhibitors in advance as I had to be back for the school run later in the afternoon. I visited every stand, and bought the following:

support vest top from Yamarama - had my eye on one for ages! Of course, I had to promise my daughters that I would only wear it under at least 3 tops as I am far too old and fat to show it off.
mat bag for £5
yoga pose picture cards for children
a pair of elephants with trunks raised for a friend in Italy as she collects them
a yoga against osteoporosis book for a friend

The demos were interesting - the first was a yoga teacher/comedian demonstrating Yoga for Geezers - how builders can incorporate yoga poses into their everyday lives. He was very good and an absolute hoot. Then there was the legendary Duncan Wong who gave a master class on the cat pose. Not the Duncan Wong who took my daughter's tonsils out.

I also visited the yoga for children stands where I opened up to earnest women keen to bendify my children. I gave my yoga teacher's number away to a woman who claimed to have taught him. I became increasingly upset and demoralised at being in a big room with hundreds of bendy people who all looked fantastic while I could earn good money as a Waynetta Slob impersonator. Everyone I spoke to was really friendly, and there was a great atmosphere, but I felt myself on the verge of a panic attack so was glad to leave.

Luckily I was distracted by the scantily clad ladies queuing up for the cash machine outside the Erotica show, but I really needed that cold brisk walk through the park to calm me down a bit!

A bit of Christmas Fair setting up after school brought me back to earth - nothing like trying to find the end of a roll of sellotape to sort you out!

Well, she cheers me up, anyway........

2007-11-19T09:40:00.000-08:00

I've had one of those days.

In fact, it'll soon be the last time I have one of those days.

Some of you will know what I mean - the sick child at home.

Feral Child is still a bit too young to be left alone at home, and Rosa Klebb had a teacher training day, so my usual Monday morning activities had to be cancelled. Well, I suppose I need the occasional break from speed walking around the Common and then going on to crash computers and drink lots of tea instead of doing Good Works.

And then I was really trapped because the communal drain was blocked again and I had to deal with it as it's our garage that gets flooded first.......

So thank goodness for Margarita Pracatan! She used to cheer me up every Sunday evening when appeared on the Clive James show, singing the standards in her own unstandard way! I would also do the best impersonation of her in the office the following morning. In fact, my Mrs Doyle impersonation is quite good too. But that's for another time!

Here's Margarita in action, along with a fab intro from Clive James:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hpkP2mb4SA

Happy days.......

Update on tripe from Waitrose

2007-11-19T04:38:00.000-08:00

I've just received this email:

Thank you for your response to Sam Holden’s Biting Talk piece. As you can imagine we had quite a response to this feature but I can assure we read every letter with great interest. I can only apologise if you did not enjoy the issue, as I’m sure you can appreciate the piece was meant to provoke debate rather than offend. In any case I certainly hope we do better by you next month!
Your letter will be considered for publication in next month’s issue.

Thank you for your interest in Waitrose Food Illustrated and I do hope you continue to enjoy the magazine.

Yours sincerely
William Sitwell
Editor

I could be in line for something fancy if Outraged from Parsons Green doesn't beat me to it!

And here's Sam Holden's partner's response in the Daily Mail:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_article_id=492405&in_page_id=1879&in_a_source=

Tripe from Waitrose

2007-11-10T15:08:00.000-08:00

I enjoy shopping in Waitrose.

I can be seen at least once a week in the Balham branch meandering about with my shopping trolley (£7.99 from Lidl), following the siren call of the price gun as it announces where the discounts are. I've had some fab bargains, including a half price fruit loaf from Poilane, the fancy French bakers. The full price is £3.60 for something the size of a malt loaf. My children said they preferred the much larger fruit loaf from Lidl at only 40p as it only had sultanas in it and not all this other rubbish fruit. That's me told, then.

The customers are the sort who do not leave their staffies tied up outside, if you get my drift. Many of the ladies - for it's mostly ladies - are of the yummy mummy variety.

I like reading the Waitrose magazine. There are usually a few good recipes. Anything with less than five ingredients is OK by me. Occasionally the family even eat the stuff.

Unfortunately my love affair with Waitrose is in a bit of a turmoil at the moment. In its latest edition, there is an article by a house husband called Sam Holden who claims the following:

"Although I was a stranger to the kitchen, I soon found that preparing exciting, top-quality dishes was neither particularly time-consuming nor difficult, and within a few months I found my abilities easily surpassed those of every woman I know, even the ones who thought they were good cooks." "As well as being incapable of experimenting, women are useless at following written instructions. Blinded by numbers and symbols, they add the wrong amount of sugar or salt - or substitute one for the other." He also says that women don't actually like food and consider it to be just fuel, and that men are more greedy. He even has the gall to end the article with the usual "name three women who have a Michelin star".

Is it not biting the hand that pays for the stuff in your shop that it feeds itself with to criticise these lovely yummy mummies (and us yucky mummies) in such a crass manner?

Here is my email to the editor:

Dear William Sitwell

I had been enjoying reading the November 2007 edition of Waitrose Food Illustrated until I reached Sam Holden's article.

I can quite appreciate that some women can cook and some men can cook. Can't we leave it at that?

Cooking for a family and cooking in a restaurant are two completely different things. I should know - my father owned the Como Lario restaurant for many years. He never cooked at home, which was a Good Thing as he left the place in such a mess. Mother was in charge at home and made her feelings quite clear about his 'helpful suggestions'. Now he has got used to working in a domestic environment, of course we get fabulous meals. The hang over from running a restaurant is that he still can't get the hang of just cooking for two. My brother and I get some interesting food parcels!

I read your magazine to get ideas as I find cooking to be complete drudgery. Whenever I have a meal cooked for me now, I don't care what it is as long as I haven't had to cook it.

These battle of the sexes type articles are just lazy and tedious. Get some more writers if this is the best you can come up with. I'm only grateful that I didn't have to pay for the magazine, thanks to my JL card.

Looking forward to a better read next time.

I did have a reply, thanking me for my contribution. No mention was made of a hamper for my hurt feelings.

If you want to see the full article, I suggest you go to Waitrose now. They have plenty of them lying around. It's the one with the toffee apples on the front.

All the rage - November 2007

2007-11-05T06:56:00.000-08:00

So here it is, the November 2007 edition of the fabulous All The Rage.

This month's theme is Mysteries and Puzzles.

I'm in there somewhere, along with lots of other people, so have a good read:

http://alltherage.org.uk/alltherage-2007-11.pdf

Dream Dream Dream

2007-10-24T05:21:00.000-07:00

I suppose my dreams are about the same as everyone else's, full of the flotsam and jetsam of everyday life.

Two recent dreams have slightly puzzled me.

Number One

My pedometer sometimes falls off its clip - I think it's trying to run off to someone thinner and more athletic.

I dreamed that I had looked down to see that I had lost the pedometer. I thought to myself that it was only a matter of time and I'd just have to get another one.

That was it, really.

Number Two

I dreamed I was going to some sort of exhibition with my mother in law. There was nothing about what the exhibition was about, but it seemed to interest lots of other old ladies who were sitting in the lounge area at the entrance. MIL starts to berate a lady about putting her handbag on a table and I'm so embarassed I sit behind her with a tablecloth on my head, much to the sympathy and amusement of the ladies who can see me.

Oh, there was a third where I had to go to someone's wedding in an Italian sort of place near Rome that I didn't know and the people there thought my clothes weren't nice enough so took me around to find nicer ones. I think a hat was involved too.

It's the ones closest to real life that puzzle me the most.

GW convention revisited

2007-10-22T07:41:00.000-07:00

Oh, oooo toooobe is a marvellous thing. It also saves you lots of dosh. Instead of having to use up my xmas and birthday gift allocation, I can just view the extra bits on the Definitive GW box set that some kindly soul has posted up for us.

So for those of you who thought the convention was some sort of mass hysteria type thing, here goes:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1ftOEoB1RY

I'm not actually in it, but my contribution to the furlong of bras can be seen at 3mins 10 secs into the segment. That's fame enough for me.

It was a happy happy day. I found a free parking space nearby, and the day just continued to get better and better. Oh, and I was on the quiz winning team.

Sunday in the Park

2007-10-21T07:43:00.000-07:00

I've just come back from a long walk around Tooting Bec Common, my local stomping ground.

Dressed in my power walking gear - sensible zip pocket trakkie bottoms from Debenhams, my top from the day before, and my freebie MBTs (which replaced the previous pair I completely trashed by walking in them) - I ran away from my house for over an hour, and came back carrying a couple of red onions as I stopped at the greengrocers on the way home.

The peodmeter says 8231. Add on my trip to the supermarket this morning, this means I have done my 10,000 steps.
If I'm not careful, I'll get my pedometer addiciton again. Last year I would keep a note of my daily steps, and would spend evenings stomping around the house so that I would make the 10,000 before going to bed. No wonder the MBTs wore out.

http://www.swissmasai.co.uk/Default.aspx?lang=en-GB

Have a look at these shoes for yourself. I think they're fabulous. Ok, they look ridiculous, but I like them.

Anyway, back to the Common. It's such a lovely day today and I just had to get out there. The park was busy with families, dogs, and all sorts. I stomped around, listening to my husband's little radio. It's really a great way to spend the afternoon, listening to the radio, watching all the people, and hugging my favourite oak tree - obviously whilst no-one was looking!

Now I'll get the house to myself as they all go off to see Granny. Bliss. Pity I'll spend the time doing my admin work, and get the dinner ready. Perhaps I'll just do some yoga instead........

A Glimmer of Hope?

2007-10-11T02:14:00.001-07:00

I was going to call this post 'Who am I kidding' but decided that it was time, after all this time, to be more positive.
For the past four weeks I have been taking part in a walking body blitz. This has involved pounding the paths of South London commons and getting intimate with a resistance band in the privacy of my own bedroom - the children nearly made themselves sick laughing at me, so I had to hide myself away.
Alas, the feeding frenzies have continued, so I am not the shadow of my former self that I'd hoped for. As usual, it's all my fault and I have no-one else to blame.
Have there been any benefits? Well, I have been out walking at least three times a week with a gang of determined ladies in their MBTs. Well, I'd better clarify that, I scuttle after a bunch of fit toned women who are all at least 4 dress sizes smaller than me. That would be a far more realistic description.
Anyway, it's been a good laugh, and even getting lost in Richmond Park, surrounded by vicious looking deer, wasn't such a bad experience.

I could now go on and write about my weight loss hell, but it's all too dull, and even I'm bored witless. Want to get thin? Stop stuffing your face and move about more. There, end of story, now get on with something more interesting.

My angel card for today is Power. Hmm. Very interesting. Certainly could do with some!
Try it for yourselves: http://www.innerlinks.com/index.php

All the Rage - October - Fantasy and Adventure

2007-10-02T04:39:00.000-07:00

She's done it again - Leila's put together another fantastic edition of All The Rage.

And I'm in it - again! She's very kind, including my stuff.

So give it a read:

http://www.alltherage.org.uk/alltherage-2007-10.pdf

Wholemeal Mothers' Day Out

2007-09-12T05:39:00.000-07:00

Had a fantastic day out last Saturday. The Streatham Wholemeal Mothers annual outing took place as usual in September. I did the driving, so it took us forever to get us there. Where did we go? well, Charleston, where the Bloomsbury Group hung out on the South Downs near Lewes.

More info here:

http://www.charleston.org.uk/

I don't seem to be able to post any photos, so you'll have to look it all up yourselves.

We didn't think there would be very much to see, but we were just overwhelmed with it all, it was so interesting.
I went home and told my husband that we were covering the house in paintings and filling it with bohemians. He took me seriously for all of a minute......
Seriously, I came away inspired. It was rented by Vanessa Bell and Duncan Grant in 1916, used as a holiday home between the wars, and permanently occupied until 1980 when it was decided to turn the house into a museum. The idea of all these people wafting in and out, painting the walls, and talking all the time sounds wonderful.
We had a tour of the house, which took over an hour as our guide was so enthusiastic about the house and its occupants.
The grounds are lovely, well worth a wander, and of course we had a good lunch in the cafe!

If you have the chance, go.

vinegar

2007-09-07T03:12:00.000-07:00

I have found a new hobby - finding out how to use up the five litre container of vinegar that I bought recently from the Wing Yip Chinese supermarket along the Purley Way.
I'm being egged on by a little book, which tells me how to use vinegar for everything from delousing children to making cheese.

I'm actually about to head off to Waitrose to buy some goat's milk. To make cheese. Wouldn't it just be easier to buy the goat's cheese?

So this is how I'm celebrating my freedom now all the buggers are back at their maximum security facilities. Actually, not secure enough, if you ask me - they seem to reappear every afternoon demanding food and an internet connection.

Better go and stock up on food - Am off out tomorrow. All day. And none of them are coming with me. I'm so excited!!!!

All The Rage - August 2007

2007-08-10T15:45:00.000-07:00

I'm back, I'm back!
After nearly three weeks on the Planet Naboo I'm back in Shangri - La, South London.
It was mostly good fun, the weather was mostly great, and I behaved myself - most of the time....

Here's the latest edition of All The Rage - a great read as ever.

http://www.alltherage.org.uk/alltherage-2007-08.pdf

And she's off!

2007-07-22T00:52:00.000-07:00

It's finally come round at last - the day before the holidays.

Despite my efforts, I have a to do list the length of my arm and then some more. Little things mysteriously appear at the last moment.

I have just checked in online and printed our boarding passes. Choosing the seats is interesting - I made a slight adjustment, only to be advised that someone else had just snaffled that seat! Many of the seats had aleady been taken - and the checking facility had only just been opened.

I have a day ahead of me of frantic tail chasing, most of which could have been avoided. I will swear that I'm going to bed early - we're leaving the house at 4.30 am - but I know I'll be still up at 1am doing stuff, or looking for things that are suddenly are essential items.

I'll try to blog while I'm away, but it won't be easy having to rely on local internet cafes.

The image on the left shows where we're going.

The image on the right shows one of the views we get.

Must go and do stuff now!

I've been ill all week

2007-07-13T03:42:00.000-07:00

Another week wasted. Another week when I didn't makes inroads into The Novel.

I've been ill since last Saturday.

Some coldie fluy thing that has laid me low.

But I still had to provide the meals - no let up there.

Still, it mean that I've already done the reading for the September meeting of our bookclub - quite a feat, really, and am now reading a Susan Jeffers book Dare to Connect. It's all about hugging strangers, or something like that.

One more week, and we're off on The Hols to the Planet Naboo (aka Lake Como) so that should be a change of scenery.

The Worried Parents

2007-07-12T12:38:00.000-07:00

The Girl from Ipanema has gone camping in Wales this week with a gang of friends I've never heard of before.

Well, what else was she going to do, apart from stay in bed all week. At least she'll get some use out of the all the gear I bought for her in Millets when she did her DOE last year.

I wish I'd had the opportunity to get trenchfoot in a tent when I was her age!

Even before she left, I started to feel unwell - a sort of viral coldie thing. I have been in bed ever since she left. I'm very sick - I only get out of bed to cook meals and collect Feral Child from schools. She texts once a day to tell me that she's still alive. Today the text actually contained some information - they had all got sunburnt. I had to laugh, that was the one thing I didn't warn her to take precautions about!

This has happened before. When she went on the school cruise to the Eastern Mediterranean I developed crippling backache which only got better after her return. I don't think I slept for a week. Well, wouldn't you if your child went to Beirut on a day trip?

So I'm going to bed now. She's back on Saturday. I'll see if I get any better then. I'll have to be better to deal with the mountain of washing she'll bring back with her.

My husband has an easy way out. He just blames me for everything.

Free Nekkid Ladies!!!

2007-07-06T01:49:00.000-07:00

I have just received an email from Beyond Chocolate , a non dieting weight loss outfit run by two sisters with a passion for chocolate.

Dawn Porter (of Super Slim Me) is holding a nekkid lady flashmob somewhere in London on Monday 9 July.

If you fancy joining in, here's the link for more info:

http://www.myspace.com/ultimateflashmob

*** CALLING ALL WOMEN *** I am a journalist with one thing in mind. I am growing a little tired of being fed images of women who most of us could never look like, at least without some serious cosmetic surgery. I want to see REAL women, in abundance. So, I am trying to get as many women as possible, to meet me on Monday the 9th of July in a secret location and whip oiff their clothes. The ULTIMATE Flashmob! Keep your eye on this page for details of when and where, and subscribe to the blog so that you are kept fully aware of what's going on. This is REALLY going to happen. It is for my new BBC Documentry, get involved. It will be AMAZING!!! Come and show off your beautiful bodies in celebration of the TRUE female form, and remind the world what it is to be a real, live, 100% organic woman - freed from hang-ups as well as clothes. Full nudity is not compulsory, wear as little as you like… Fig leaves may be provided… To find out where and when CALL 07921 609 588 or EMAIL NAKED@bbc.co.uk Let's do it!!! x x x Full nudity is NOT compulsory, wear as little as you like.
Who I'd like to meet:Women who wanna get naked....and just wanna show the world what they got. Let's just get it out, and get on with it! Sorry lads, girls only x

I would like to assure all my readers that I will NOT be participating in this - Milena would be there like a shot, but I, alas, would only attract the attention of those thinking yet another whale had taken a wrong turning.......

All The Rage - July 2007 edition

2007-07-01T16:24:00.000-07:00

Here it is, the July 2007 edition of All The Rage!

I have two articles in it this time - pp 8 and 20 - but don't let that spoli your enjoyment of this wonderful magazine. And you don't even have to recycle it when you've finished reading it!

http://www.alltherage.org.uk/alltherage-2007-07.pdf

A fun night out

2007-06-19T14:59:00.000-07:00

Well, last night was different from my usual Monday night. Instead of going to yoga and frantically tidying up the house before the cleaner's arrival the following morning, I went to see Tom Jones at Hampton Court Palace with my old pal V and her friend J.

What a fantastic place to be on a beautiful summer evening! Everything went like clockwork, although I didn't have time to change before leaving, but a good walk in the breeze got rid of the chip oil fumes.

The old boy was on good form. Our seats were great. Pants were thrown. Celebrities included Jimmy Tarbuck, some bloke from celebrity come dancing, and Vanessa Feltz with her fiance. She looked fab and made me feel a right frump.

We danced along to all the obvious hits, but stayed seated for the quiet stuff - I think we're too old for all that standing.

walking back to the car, felt I could have hidden in the grounds and looked at the fabulous view all night, but no, had to get home for some washing up and laundry sorting.

My husband barely turned his head from wacky police chases series 27 when I came in.

I washed up and went to bed.

Round and round the common....

2007-06-14T05:54:00.000-07:00

I've not been long back from my latest exercise venture. Once a week, I am taken for a brisk walk round Clapham Common by a very nice lady who is most encouraging. Round and round we go, past au pairs, yummy mummys, small children, elderly people, cyclists, dubious characters lurking in bushes, a Chinese circus, and a snack van, billowing bacon fumes.

On each circuit, I relive my youth, as I grew up in the area. There's the pond we would chuck all the hockey balls so we could go home early, there's the side road I shot out of one dark night in my mum's Fiat 127 and was chased by the irate white van driver who I cut up, there's the pub where we used to congregate.

We do resistence exercises, stretching, and other stuff.

Today was session 6.

And then I go home, in the car. Maybe one day I'll actually walk there!

Along with walking to yoga twice a week and an exercise session on Wandsworth Common, I drag my carcass around roads and parks. Maybe one day I'll see a difference.

A Great Night Out

2007-06-11T11:37:00.000-07:00

Well, don't get out often, especially if you exclude yoga and any GW related activities. So, Friday night at the Bloomsbury Theatre was a real treat - Sandi Toksvig and Bonnie Langford in their two-woman one-woman show, Short and Curly.
I went with Carol from Dagenham, who got the tickets. She was on fine form, and we were ready to enjoy ourselves. Carol and I are huge Sandi fans and frankly our emails - I am Sylvia from Streatham - were the highlight of her show on LBC. When the show came to an end, frankly, I was slightly relieved. I was so addicted to the show that I simply couldn't leave the house whenever it was on. The lunches I missed out on just to listen to Sandi and her guests womble on about stuff.
Sandi and Bonnie were fantastic - Bonnie sang a few numbers, and they both told a few stories. Doesn't sound like much, but you just had to be there to see it, sorry.

Carol and I hung around the bar for a while after the show, but not for long enough, alas, to renew our aquaintance with the stars.
Apparently their next project is a musical version of Three Sisters to be performed at Chichester next year. The third sister is going to be Dillie Keane from Flaming Aida, who happened to be in the audience.

I am writing this as I listen to Alexander O'Neal's Greatest Hits. Yes, I'm that old. When I listen to those songs, I think of Guy Secretan. I think this would be his sort of music.

Don't let people interfere, just come on and love me your way.....the lovers win every time.....

In the time I have been writing this, I have cleared half the 27 carrier bags that litter the dining room (yes, we're entertaining this weekend, hence the panic tidy up) by redistributing them around the house, had encounters of the baffling kind with my three daughters, and changed CDs. I'm now listening to Claudio Baglioni's greatest hits from the 1970s. Now that really IS reliving my youth.

Non stavo gia piu qua ... e la verita, tu non lo sai.... tu hai capito male se credi che sto zitto...

Now I'm really rambling.

As you were.

All The Rage - again!

2007-05-31T15:20:00.000-07:00

I'm just so thrilled that my expose' on apprearing on Trinny and Susannah has been published in the latest edition of All The Rage

http://www.alltherage.org.uk/alltherage-2007-06.pdf

I'm on page 8.

Goes to lie down now....

Should I have said hello, part 3

2007-05-26T15:18:00.000-07:00

Another Saturday night, and I'm searching for some new posts. As most people have a full and active social life, I have to provide my own post here.
On planned impulse, I trekked up to the South Bank this afternoon to catch up with the Queens of Insania. They were at the matinee of Landscape With Weapon and I thought I'd pop along to say hello.
I arrived at just the right time - I could hear applauding from the auditorium and minutes later the gang were all there. We all congregated around the stage door, waiting for the man himself - my plan was to hide behind a pillar as usual, but you know what? by virtue of taking a few photos for people, I just said hello. There. Wasn't so painful after all.
He was very pleasant. I didn't dribble, although I don't quite know how he took my comment about having to keep the punters happy.
I think it's about time I got over myself, don't you think?
And breathe.

The Taxi Service

2007-05-23T02:10:00.000-07:00

Following on from my outing to Landscape with Weapon at the National, about 24 hours later I found myself kangarooing over Waterloo Bridge in the Dustbin on Wheels off to Euston Station to collect a gaggle of teenagers.

At about 4pm the ladies had decided to go to Hatch End. To visit a boy, of course. Whose parents were away, of course. Armed with their travel cards, off they went from the badlands of South London. Parental warnings of do you realise where Hatch End is? It's Sunday, the transport stops early fell on very deaf ears.

At 10pm, the calls began. "Are you thinking of making your way home now?"
An hour later : "We missed the train. The next one is at 11.30 and we'll come home on the Night Bus"
"No you bloody won't - we'll collect you from Euston."
"Don't fuss, we'll be ok".
An hour after that :"Mum, this train is taking forever, can you pick us up from Euston? We'll wait by the Taxis".

By this time, it was well after midnight, I was in my best tea stained pair of jamas, but had to get dressed as Daddy had consumed a bottle of wine "Would I be OK to drive? "
"No, you bloody wouldn't!"

So off I go, Bat out of Hell CD blasting out into the night. It was quite exciting, really, having the car to myself, driving through Central London. It was almost like being young again.

As they finally piled into the car, I realised I would not be going straight home - I would be doing the tour of South London to drop this lot off.

There was silence as Meatloaf did his stuff. Under normal circumstances, the CD would have been chucked out of the window by now. I gently lectured them on would it not have been better to set off late morning and arrived home at a decent hour without getting the parents upset. The journey home was interrupted by phone calls from hysterical parents wondering where their lovelies were.

"What's this we're listening to?"
"Meatloaf - Bat out of hell. I've got the Grease CD if you fancy a change."
Silence.

At each drop off, it was easy to find the house - it was the only one in the street with its lights still on. As each girl approached the doorstep, the front door swung open and a hand reached out to grab her.....

Finally at home, I found that Daddy had gone off to bed. Swine. Whatever happened to solidarity amongst parents?

Finally in bed at 2am, I was woken up the following morning by a call from a grateful mother.
We've decided to exchange mobile numbers. We wouldn't want our daughters to know what we were up to.....

My yoga class

2007-05-14T14:50:00.000-07:00

Help - I've just realised that I'm addicted to yoga. I've been going regularly for about a year now, and have even just started going twice a week. For various reasons - not my heady social life, I hasten to add - I haven't been for over a week and Oh was I looking forward to the class tonight.
I'm no good at it at all - how the bloke teaching me manages to keep a straight face I'll never know. Yet I enjoy it and my downward dog is coming along in leaps and bounds. I've had an idea about writing about a yoga class and all its goings on - do you think there's any mileage in it at all?

Should I have said hello, part 2

2007-05-09T05:17:00.000-07:00

The stalwarts of the Queens of Insania and other GW fans had their mini reunion last Saturday evening at the National where two of the GW cast were doing their stuff in Landscape With Weapon.

It was a special treat for me for the following reasons:

- great opportunity to catch with with everyone from the Convention and meet up with new people who post on the JRT website. Not a bunny boiler amongst them, honest!

- a night out

- my first visit to the Cottesloe in about 30 years of going to the National

- a chance to see a play I would probably never have considered going to see in the normal way

Alas, due to timing I missed the pre play get together at the Pizza Express, so just had time for brief chats before during and after!

Oh, after. Yes, well. JRT and PH appeared at the stage door as arranged by one of the more organised members of the party. I stood a few yards away, with a few other people. We had decided, for one reason or another that we just didn't want to meet them. No-one could quite explain why, it just wasn't our thing.

The stars were charming, delightful, witty, etc etc., and everyone who met them, many not for the first time, were just thrilled, and I'm pleased for them, I really am. After all, we are the people who watch the programmes, go to the shows, buy the DVDs, post on the fan sites, etc,.

Yet, I had decided that before going that I wouldn't approach them, and amazingly enough I stuck to my decision. And I don't seem to be regretting it either.

So why the post? I don't know. Should I have said hello? Am I being standoffish? Silly? Sensible? A prat? I really don't know.
Anyway, as the Italians say - passato il santo, finito la festa - once the moment has passed, it's passed.
Answers on a postcard please!

I'm so tired of being ill all the time

2007-05-04T15:15:00.000-07:00

I am sitting here with a nasty rash and a general feeling of being ill. I can't remember what it's like to be well, full of energy, bright eyed and bushy tailed. I'm what is known as a TATT - tired all the time. I've had endless blood tests, spent a fortune on various supplements , therapists, self help books, exercise, yoga, etc. I am feeling better than I was, and certainly look better than I did, but today, this evening, I just feel like crap.
Feeling crap narrows your horizons. For years now I've just managed to get through the day, dealing with the house and children, etc. No energy or time for extras, especially taking a day off and lying in bed all day, which is what sensible people would do. Not feeling well? spend the day in bed! So why don't I? is it because I don't have a proper grown up job so I'm not entitled to take any time off? Am I being a martyr to the cause? Is it punishment for something or other? Or do I just need a few early nights and a more positive attitude - believe me I'm trying, very trying. I have to keep reminding myself that I have made lots of progress, and that I will get better. Everyone tells me I'm looking better, I can see I look better. But today I just don't feel better.

Here we go again - another article!

2007-05-02T15:11:00.000-07:00

I'm so excited - I've been published again in the latest edition of All The Rage

http://www.alltherage.org.uk/

I think I'm on page 8. I've written something about bras - I've been wearing one since 1971 so I think I know a thing or two about them. Oh, the rest is worth a read too.

China Syndrome

2007-04-26T15:15:00.000-07:00

Wasn't the China Syndrome a film about a nuclear thingy with Jane Fonda and Michael Douglas many moons ago? No, I'm not talking about that, I'm talking about something else - our 20th wedding anniversary. Now I know the hip young things will have already moved on to some other blog like Shagtastic or Hoola Loola or whatever fancy names these other hip and happening blogs have, but surely there's some room somewhere for me?

Yes - I've been married for 20 years. As I've said to many people, you get less for murder.

So what did we get up to? Well, if you're still reading, we went to the Dulwich Picture Gallery, had lunch, wandered through Dulwich Village and the park, and then went on to do the school run. There. That was it. Oh, in the evening, after Brownies, we had some champagne. Bollinger, which he got from a client last Christmas.

It was actually rather nice. I may even take him to the Summer Exhibition preview - you can wander around with a drink having a good laugh at the exhibits. I went last summer when England were playing their first World Cup game. It was quite an eventful visit. As I approached Piccadilly Circus, I thought it rather strange that no traffic was hurtling towards me. I presumed it was the fact that everyone was at home watching football. But no. As I got to the other side of the road I narrowly missed being run over by some bloke on a bike. With no clothes on. He was followed by lots of other naked men on bikes. It was the nudie cycle protest!
After the first contingent of naked men went past my attention turned to the people on the pavement. Well, you see one dangler you've seen then all..... Everyone had their cameras, phones, camcorders, you name it out recording the event. People were absolutely astonished to see what was going on. One young man nearly fainted at the sight of a very mature woman with no clothes on. Her boobs were neatly perched on the handlebars of her bike. Young man of course could never imagine such a thing could happen and had to hang on to a lamp post for support, much to the amusement of his friends.
The protesters were accompanied by police people on bikes. Never will I forget the young WPC on her bike, fully clothed, bringing up the rear. She looked so mortified, poor soul. Suffice to say the Exhibition was no follow up for this unexpected slice of London life, although I enjoyed watching everyone have a good laugh at the Hare's egg and the light that went on and off

But I digress. What is it like to be married for 20 years? Should I stop being married? What would that be like? How would I ever find someone else? Because that's the secret of a happy marriage - lack of confidence, inertia, and being very short sighted.

Still, doesn't seem to stop other people taking off. Or even doing it again? Triumph of hope over experience, isn't that what they call it?

I could never get married again. It would be like learning how to drive again - just when you know where you're going, some bloody man grabs the wheel.

So it starts......my first published article

2007-04-02T16:03:00.000-07:00

Well, I was very excited to see that my first piece of writing has been published.

It's all fab, but check out page 11!

http://www.alltherage.org.uk/alltherage-2007-04.pdf

Should I have said hello?

2007-03-21T06:34:00.000-07:00

Wednesday is my day for walking down to the now upmarket Balham badlands to check out the bargains in Waitrose. After loading my booty into my trolley, I was waiting to cross the road and who should come and stand next to me, wearing a hat almost as daft as mine, but Arthur Smith! I have been a big Arthur Smith fan for years now and really enjoy listening to him on the radio. I tried to catch his eye but failed miserably. I just got the feeling he was a bit distracted and had to get somewhere. So he dashed across the road, leaving me behind, and went into one of the more fashionable watering holes.

What would Milena have done? Well, Milena wouldn't have been on Balham High Road with a shopping trolley full of cut price meat from Waitrose for a start. But that's not very helpful. OK, Imagine that Milena WAS there. What would she have done? I think she would have left him alone too. She would have been wearing a hat and sunglasses too - probably more stylish - but she would have respected his privacy and let him get on with his day.

Yes - that's it. Respecting people's privacy. Not much of that goes on these days, so it seems to me. I was lucky enough to go along to the fantastic Green Wing convention in January this year and there was quite a debate on how celebrities seem to be treated as public property. The ladies organising the event were so concerned about anyone from the show being subjected to inappropriate behaviour certain measures were taken to make sure that all went well. In the event, we all behaved ourselves - even the GW people! Living in the age of fecklessness as we do, our convention was an oasis of calm , comfort and chocolate cock eating. Not quite sure what would have happened if JRT or Tamsin Grieg had joined us, but I'm sure that certain people would have hidden in the loo and squealed in there in order to preserve their dignity and avoid being slung out by the organising committee!

No doubt I'll see Arthur again, and get the chance to tell him that I think he's looking very well now he's given up the drinking , and that I enjoy his work very much. So he's got that to look forward to, lucky lucky him!

Where to meet men

2007-03-07T09:09:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking about the issue of where to meet men for some time now. I don't need to meet any, actually, as I already have one, much to Milena's surprise, but I do have a number of female friends who like me have arrived at mid forties without being encumbered by A Man. Oh, they manage well enough, etc etc, indeed very well, frankly I think they don't know how lucky they are, but that's for another day. And yet and yet and yet......how does that saying go? something about fish and bicycles. I suppose anyone under the age of 35 will never have heard about that one. I remember buying a postcard with that saying on it - had it on the wall of my room when I was a student many moons ago now.
But I digress. Where can a woman in her mid forties meet a man with whom she might want to have a relationship ?
My meditation teacher is an inspiration - she and her husband split up a year or so ago and she has embraced the single life with a gusto that would put a teenager to shame.
"Where do you find them?" I asked her during a break at the manifestation day she was running recently. "Oh, you know, the usual places - parties and clubs."
I looked at her blankly. "You mean at your children's parties and Brownies?"
"No no no, you know, grown up parties, and out clubbing."
Again I looked at her blankly. "No, sorry. The last grown up party I went to I spent it hoovering up the buffet, and I didn't know anyone over the age of 25 went clubbing. There's no hope for me then, is there?"
"No, not really" she replied and she moved off to put the tofu back into the fridge.

So that really wasn't very helpful then.

I have done some research, though, and have come up with the following:

Quincaillerie dept (that's ironmongery dept to you and me) of the BHV dept store in central Paris. It's full of men with DIY skills fingering the twenty different types of chicken wire. I showed it to a single friend of mine during a visit to Paris last Spring. She was very impressed.

Any small supermarket near a station after 6.30pm - full of single men buying beer and crisps.
Forget the larger ones with car parks - the family men will be there with a long list.

And that's it really. Can't think of anything else. I know loads of places where you can meet women, and they are as follows:

College of Psychic Studies - take your pick, it's like shooting fish in a barrel. Check out their website for all their courses and workshops.

Yoga classes - the added bonus is that they're all bendy! Except for the old one in the remedial class - oh that's me then. Sorry, Milena.....

Supermarkets - any time of the day, but as with the men, anyone doing a family shop is not a good bet. Hang around the confectionery section - the more chocolate she's buying, the luckier you'll be.

Any coffee establishment. All on her own, with a book or writing in a fancy notebook with a fluffy pen.
Um, can't think of any more at the moment. Anywhere, basically. Nice women are everywhere.

Let's start at the very beginning

2007-02-26T09:13:00.000-08:00

Hello. Milena Delle Fortezze is a character I created over 30 years ago as a young girl. I had forgotten all about her until she was resurrected as Mac's ideal woman in the very first episode of Green Wing. I was stunned. How did they know about her? Those people - they really found my letters and read each one out loud. She is the Latino chick of his dreams. She is also as far from me as it is possible to be, but I do have a very rich fantasy life - the result of a career in administration, I suppose.

Why have I called my blog after her? Well, I now realise she IS a part of me, although you wouldn't think it to look at me! In real life I'm more vague than vogue, more gammon than gamine, and I did think of another one but it escapes me now..... Seriously folks, you can't insult me any more than I insult myself!

I normally spend my days talking to myself, so seeing how easy it was to set up this blog, I decided to share my mutterings with you, you lucky people.....